Buhtt sex?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
