so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
