oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
