And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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