we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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