I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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