shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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