Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
