do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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