like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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