After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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