My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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