there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
