Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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