I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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