if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
