Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
