She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
