Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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