I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
