so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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