Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
