I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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