Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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