How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
