i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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