i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
