ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
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theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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