I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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