I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
