i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
