eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
