Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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