I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
