You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
