I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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