you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
