Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
did i walk over a car last night?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
