Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You're a waste of cheezeits
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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