she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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