Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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