One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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