she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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