Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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