wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
