She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
