I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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