So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Screwed.edu
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
