literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
