xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
