So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
