haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
