she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
