I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
