I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
