if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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