Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
