Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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