dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
