His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have fence marks all over my body
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
