I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
