I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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