I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
drinking out of a sandbucket again
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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