I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
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Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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