i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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