im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
