i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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