Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
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So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
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The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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