I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
