Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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